I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
