i would punch a child for taco bell
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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