somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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