and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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