I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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