I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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