Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
