I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
