I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
