He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
