Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
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