True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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