On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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