I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
