we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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