i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
