I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
