i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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