Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
