I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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