we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
