At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
