i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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