Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
