i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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