The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
