I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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