oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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