he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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