So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
