Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Alive.
So much puke
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
