Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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