i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
