all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
