32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.