census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
two words...techno handjob
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.