You can't motorboat a personality
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms