cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.