New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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