she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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