Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize