In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
