saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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