I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
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My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize