It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
