pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
