i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she told me i tasted like america
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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