I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
