everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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