were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
