It's Friday. Sex?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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