in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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