Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
