I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
