oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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