dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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