last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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