"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
