I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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