i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
