Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
