When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
