the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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