I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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